Category Archives: nostalgia

DEET Plus…at Renys* of Maine

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LP BG

Pinky is loaded with fresh DEET for spring fishin’.

You always find something at Renys. Today’s mouthwatering score: a Little Playmate. It’s no longer called that ~ prolly some trademark dispute with Playboy.  I got my first from bigmama12 on eBay.

Next, at a church sale, I bought a weird knockoff that seemed more suited to organ transport. Could be…they hold blood drives at that church; maybe they removed parts from donors high on blood loss — and my Little Fauxmate got left behind. I named it Pentagram.**

I hope Pinky Tuscadero holds up like the true Playmate from the 80s. Shaped suspiciously like a six-pack, this vintage workingman’s lunchbox can withstand being driven over by a pickup. But you can’t run it through a dishwasher and don’t ask me how I know that.

Charles named his The Real McCoy.

*No apostrophe. That’s rural punctuation for you!

**Always name your Little Playmate.

Not Winning Any Beauty Contests

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snowman - VT giantBut every snowman deserves his due.

What’s noteworthy is that this was made quietly by a muscled young man, by himself, on a Sunday afternoon, for no seeming purpose other than itself.

And to think he could be inside, Gaming in a darkened hole.

Twirling Metal Santa with Plastic Face

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SantyI love this old Santy Claus. Look at that happy plastic face. My Grandma sent it to me in 1962, one of the few packages I ever got that didn’t arrive broken to smithereens. I can’t wait to give him a twist and see what he plays as he gaily twirls; I don’t recall. Maybe he plays A Girl Like You.

For All You Obstreperous Recalcitrants

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You can be a success!

One of the best presents I ever got was this box of vocabulary flashcards. No idea if the young people use flashcards any more, but I took to them like [plural noun] to a [singular noun]. I recommend the foreign language ones, too.

If you ever have to give a speech, here’s what some male friends used to do:  stick a word in there that the audience probably won’t understand but will be afraid to ask the meaning of.  Great good fun, like an inside joke.

I gave a speech yesterday and did my own version. I dressed like my 7th grade French teacher. She wore velvety pants and flowing shirts and when she wrote on the board her keister jiggled. As did mine, friends, as did mine.

keis·ter/ˈkēstər/

Noun:
  1. A person’s buttocks.

How Many Barbies is Enough Barbies?

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They’re so…Barbie.

~ To form a kick line?

~ To constitute a quorum?

~ To populate a viable sweat shop?

~ To unionize?

~ To be just one too many stinkin’ Barbies?

In college, with the help of the drunken tarts I called friends, I created a prototype for Party Barbie®. She had one broken high heel, chipped nail polish, bruises, Walk of Shame hair, torn clothing, a cigarette glued to her hand (or was it a fatty?), a black eye ~ you get the picture.  Mattel wasn’t interested.  Bunch of stiffs.