This Is Your Brain on Liquid Manure

All my artists crapped out on me so this will have to do.  Ann Aikens 2012, Sharpie® and pencil on reused printer paper taken from the office.

Vermont has many seasons, including Ski Season, Mud Season, and Black Fly Season. Spring is Fertilizer Season, which means the varnishing of the Land with  liquid manure. While natural, this vile potion comprises not only manure, but plenty of ripe urine (there’s your eye-burning factor right there.) The strongest-smelling means of application is  the low-cost  “Spray ‘er good, Jeremiah.” They try to do it just before it rains, but they don’t always catch it right so it roasts in the hot sun for an indescribable finishing note of putrefaction.

Some use  swine manure—if you’ve never caught a whiff of that, don’t. And we have very few CAFOs in Vermont, thank God. If this doesn’t make you buy local, nothing will.

Have neighbors making your life hell? Get your own manure spreader. You’ll bring them to their knees, lit. and fig. But you didn’t hear it here.

About uppervalleygirl

Columnist, bloggist, short storyist, essayist, novel-in-progressist.

Posted on June 12, 2012, in ecology, humor, rural, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. When we first moved into our starter home 25 years ago, my husband was frustrated by his inability to grow a lawn. The guy up the street with the “perfect” front yard shared his trade secret: monkey manure from the local pharmaceutical facility. Oy! The smell! I felt like we lived in the Bronx Zoo.

  2. Much of that over here in the Champlain Valley. After a field near our house was sprayed, I actually found it to be a relief when a skunk passed through the yard at night and provided some alternative aromatherapy.

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