And If This Doesn’t Make Ya Nervous

…when your name is on it, you’re very confident indeed.

Tonight at Kimball Public Library in Randolph! Please, God, make somebody attend.

If You Want to Give a Writer a Gift

No, not the peony or candle or the cylindrical packaging ~ the fountain pen, Silly.

Yes, those other things make a nice gift, but a writer digs a good pen. This is from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Makes you want to WRITE. Its beautiful pattern is by the founder of the Arts and Crafts movement, William Morris.

And it’s heavy. You know something is well made when it’s heavy.

THANK YOU for Getting My Book these Aws Stats!

Thanks so much for participating in or forwarding my free eBook “sale”!

By doing so, you kicked me up to the top of 3 categories, so when people searched that category over the 4th, my book showed up as at left. And many “strangers” are now reading it.

I beat out some heavy hitters, THX!

FREE eBOOKS & RAFFLE thru THURSDAY!

Download a free eBook of A Young Woman’s Guide to Life. On Amazon, click BUY NOW and the price will show up as $0.00 at Checkout. Forward this if you wish!

If you SUBSCRIBE at www.annaikens.com or Forward this, LMK and I’ll do another COOL LIGHTER giveaway. (See it at SURPRISES on above website).
I may do a free hardcover raffle as well? Why not!

What Are You Afraid Of?

This question is asked in different ways for different reasons. Sometimes it’s asked by someone in an arch manner, a manner that challenges “Hey, Sissy…what are you afraid of?” Or a shrink asks softly, “What are you afraid of?” to find out why you’re not taking a certain step, such as confronting someone who has wronged you or getting yourself out of a rut. There can be something compelling or even a little creepy about these five words, no?

For our purposes, I’m just interested in what people are actually afraid of. In part because Fears can be so different, just like the kinds of Lucks people have. And in part because I have developed three very real fears worth fretting about. These three since the disastrous Ukraine invasion (only one year ago), when I hadn’t felt strongly such imminence of danger other than in the early months of the pandemic when we didn’t know anything. People forget how terrifying that was. It seems long ago, no? Now I feel ascared anew.

Off to others’ fears!  This honest and at times comical list was contributed by the usual suspects: the nutters I call friends. And whomever on my author email list* answered the question, “What Are You Afraid Of?” Here we go, in no particular order: 

Snakes and Scorpions • Heights • Bats • Cats • Wind • Disappointing the people I love • Snakes…hate snakes! • Strangers • Public speaking • Cooking shows • My own anger • Riptides • Bugs with many, many legs • Getting poked in the eye with a fork • Not living my life to the fullest before I die • Exploding peonies • Our health • Disease or an accident • Global warming • Further division in the US • World war • Birds.

Some went longer: We are going on a cruise soon – what if I was to walk alone on the upper deck at night and some deranged person pushed me over the edge; that would be something to be afraid of! • I’m afraid we’re going to destroy this planet and take all innocent life with us (plants, animals, insects); we have the tools and understanding to avoid it but that may not be enough…scares the hell out of me • Suffering, with regards to physical health; seems like turning 60 amped this shit UP! • Anything bad happening to my kids is what I would be most afraid of • Fear of my child never launching • I fear developing a disease that will change my life for the worse. • Losing my husband • I put return address labels on small objects when I fly so if the plane blows to smithereens, people will know I was on the plane. • Because I live alone, I’m afraid of choking on a sandwich and dying. I did start choking on one once, and thought to run into the street waving my arms, but what if no one saw me? • I am afraid of getting run over by a messenger bike while crossing the street in NYC. • I end with this cheering one:  Seems I am afraid of less and less as I age.

Thank you, nutters! What am I afraid of? I don’t like bugs with many, many legs or dead mice, but I don’t fear those or even, particularly, death. Mostly, I’m afraid of three uncontrollable things: people being hurt by other people (esp. despots and lone gunmen), ticks, and Artificial Intelligence. When killer A.I. robots start walking down the street, I’m heading directly for the next level. Who wants to see that?

No, really. As widely reported, more than 1,000 tech leaders signed an open letter in March about A.I.’s “profound risks to society and humanity.” When those who invented something are telling you it’s extremely dangerous, head for the hills.

There was a brilliant cartoon in the New Yorker where an older man is depicted from high above, reading the paper at home. He cries to no one something like, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!”

If anyone can tell me what the hell is going on here, please report in as able. Good tick-checking, good despot/killer robot avoidance, and good day.

*Join my email list at annaikens.com to get asked my next question.

A Happy Father

Nothing made my father happier this year, I think, than when I unexpectedly handed him a hardcover of my book.

I told him I had a surprise for him. He said, “It’s a book.” I said, “Yes, I wrote it.”

He watched with me as my numbers rose on Amazon, and was my total champion. He has always been and wanted me to be a writer since he gave me a copy of “A Tree Grows In Brooklyn” as a child, likening me to Francie.

A fiction writer I’m not, but when he said, “Your mother thought this would have happened 30 years ago,” I felt good, not bad. It’s never too late to please your parents. Dead or alive, in my opinion.

Weather Throws People Together

At Colgate’s reunion this weekend, the campus storm tracker alerted all to head indoors. Someone who graduated 6 years after I was born landed inside our reunion housing. He tolerated our bawdy stories and antics. Turned out he and I were both to be at the All-Class Authors’ Book Signing the next day. 

His book about his father looks really interesting. We both brought along artifacts–his were letters and such from which he had pieced the book together, kept in a cigar box–and switched our chairs next to each other. We both lamented not having asked questions of parents while they were still alive. He is the third in his family lineage to have the same name, so long ago they nicknamed him Trip. 

Harry Haldt, AKA Trip, it was fantastic meeting such a gent and thanks for your help. Happy the storm threw us together. And as I’m sure you tire of hearing, you are a trip.

Good luck! See you in 5 years.

The Winds of Change: Something’s Coming, Something Good?

When I left Vermont for Massachusetts six years ago, it seemed that I’d relocated to a wicked windy state. The winds would positively howl at night in my Boston-adjacent neighborhood, a kinetic metal sculpture outside gonging like a buoy. 

But when I moved back to Vermont two years ago, I realized the entire northeast had in fact gotten windier. As has much of our country in the last 10 years. New England has something called a “jet streak” nearby, a part of the jet stream where winds are stronger, but the west has been getting clobbered, too. The whole planet has become mysteriously windier.

While of great benefit to wind farms, our newly windy climate has less favorable consequences in our area. In winter, power outages are terribly unfun when trees or limbs fall on power lines. In summer, people are fond of burning stuff outside, often unmonitored. With all of our old wooden structures in Vermont, and a recent trend to long weeks without rain, that’s just not a good idea. 

Then there’s sports. I was planning on working on my tennis serve this summer, but it’s hard to get any consistency going when 1.) your baseball cap is giving you lift like the Flying Nun, and 2.) you have to guess as you toss your ball high into the air for the serve: (a.) Will there be wind? (b.) How strong will it be? (c.) From which direction will it come? That goes for your lobs in tennis and, frankly, any ball of any kind coming at you or leaving you in any sport. The winds are not only gusting, they’re swirling. Is this affecting pitching? Batting? Basketball? It’s got to be affecting golf. Surely volleyball. Fake sports like pickleball and badminton must now be more like gambling than sports. 

Wait what? Did I just denigrate pickle ball? Yes, I did. Badminton never pretended to be a real sport; it knew its place as a charming folly in the wide world of athleticism: a dusty boxed set that lives in the attic for years at a time, trotted out gamely at family reunions, if and when the shuttlecock can be found and its rubber nub hasn’t crackled apart, rendering it useless. 

Really, bully for all who dig pickleball, but I gave it several tries and here’s my assessment: a noisy “sport” named after a dog, invented by restless wealthy people, with inscrutable scoring that takes so long to learn that players mostly announce the score in the interrogative, that feels like a fanciful game your little nephew makes up and keeps changing the rules on so that you can’t beat him. Mainly, it screws up my tennis courts, man, with distracting court tapings and heinous net-lowerings that pickleballers don’t bother to fix when they’re done. Tennis is a sensible and courteous game, for civilized people. Play tennis. Before a swirling windy vortex sucks your pickleball, more whiffle than ball, up into the heavens forever (“Hate mail can be addressed to author@annaikens.com”).

But I digress. Back to the wind. The “winds of change” is an expression signifying a sense that change is in the air. Has Dear Reader ever gotten this? At times I have felt that the wind did in fact portend change, or I at least interpreted it thusly and used it as a catalyst to make my own change. Some of us take unusual winds as a very real sign. And given current world events – and news channels relentlessly covering not only existing problems, but also imagined terrors that may never even come to pass – we can easily panic about what changes may be headed our way.

I’ve said it before, but it never gets old: catastrophizing about an unknown future and all forms of hand-wringing in general serve only to rattle us.  It does not serve us to fret over things out of our control. It’s up to us to rein in our worrying — including all who live alone and are unfortunately free to ruminate endlessly, sleeplessly, with no one to talk to or offer comfort. It’s up to each of us to do our best to remain grounded, not like a pickleball sailing off to Mars. It’s up to us to think pleasant thoughts for our selves, each other, and the planet. Otherwise, we won’t feel well, or safe, or loved. What good could come from that?

Truly, it’s entirely possible that what is coming is something very good indeed. Some bad things in the mix, no doubt, but maybe something major and lovely is en route. Consider interpreting the winds this way: that people who think or act upon others with harmful intent in this time and place might soon find themselves powerless, blown far, far away like so many cracked and useless shuttlecocks in strong winds. Then those of us who think and act with love will finally understand the power of love – our love, and that of the entire world. 

Okay, I’m not kidding, the wind is howling as we speak. All cosmic musings aside, this should be an interesting summer between tent pitching and anchoring umbrellas at beaches. Beware projectiles. Think positively. Good day.

Ann Aikens has published a darkly comical book of advice, A Young Woman’s Guide to Life: A Cautionary Tale, available in Vermont shops listed at annaikens.com, and on Amazon. She has written her Upper Valley Girl column since 1996.

Good News Patrol: Now in 4 Vermont Bookstores!

BUY LOCAL is big in Vermont. Booksellers are All In to promote local authors, way more than other places. Huge thanks to:

Royal Towne Gifts (Randolph)
Yankee Bookshop (Woodstock)
Bear Pond Books (Montpelier)
Barnes & Noble (Burlington)

Today’s high point: goddess Teresa at B&N putting my very orange book on both the Graduation and Local shelves. 🥰 Highest point: seeing “Signed Edition” stickers being applied by Goddess to humble tome.

Then my nephew’s last-place baseball team beat the first-place team. Can it be?!

But enough about us. Do comment with your own Good News. So needed! ❤️

Good Graduation Gift?

My book is for 18-30+. It is helpful, if darkly funny. Huge surprise there.

More info at http://www.annaikens.com including shops to find it in Vermont. If you buy on Amazon, paperback seems to ship faster. But get what ya want!

See reviews there, and the old Look Inside is called something else now.