Tonight’s Man Auction, a fundraiser for an elementary school, included such items as a Pig Roast (he raises the pig and then he…), fishing, excavating, carpentry, paving with hardpack by the famously hot Johnson Brothers (“We’ll make it smooth!”), personal training from a Chippendale’s-caliber (yet straight) Adonis, and other manful offerings—with plenty of references to “buffing”, “Googling”, “my package”, and “crevice tool” to crank those bids in a roomful of uncharacteristically dressy and vocal rural women.
When I won a door prize, I admitted to the chick next to me that I win things, but that I’m unlucky in love. She said she also wins stuff and encouraged, “Maybe he’s here!” Ever unhopeful, I switched topics to the awful Chippendale’s show I took a bride-to-be to in L.A. for her bachelorette party, where one dancer rubbed his greased, sweating body pretty much all over her. My new friend said, “Oh no, are they gonna have that?” I suggested this was unlikely at the Barnard Town Hall.
The Pig Roast was for maximum 50 people. My new friend said, “I don’t think I know 50 people. ” And that’s exactly why I live here.
Posted on April 29, 2012, in humor, personal, rural, Uncategorized and tagged barnard vermont, man auction, man auction barnard vermont. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.
I don’t have any memory of the rubbing….so what did you win????
1. You’ve blocked it out and 2. your Christmas present.
Pork is always Greasy!
Yes, thank you. Truer words (sounds?) have never been said (emitted.)