Category Archives: holidays

It’s Not a Memorial Day Party without…

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Ball of Floam®

– McKenzie Franks

– Someone making a bad drink out of desperation (today, a Red Wine Spritzer)

– Mischievous children pulling a fast one on the adults (the kids were playing Floamball, in which the ball breaks apart upon impact with the bat, and an ungovernable free-for-all ensues. Between innings, the kids secretly  made “cookies” out of the Floam and placed them on the buffet until, yes, an adult tried one.  Her gastronomic report?  “Tastes like plastic.” In fairness, they looked delectable and the Floamball “diamond” was far enough away that we didn’t know what Floam* looks like up  close.)

“Cookies”

BYO rodent.

*a mixture of borax, glue, dyes, and polystyrene beads that resemble nonpareils sprinkles.

Remember, if it exists in the world, it exists in nail polish.

Mother’s Day 2012

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My favorite line in Mother is when Debbie Reynolds says, “I’m not gonna fall for that.” She’s talking about Baskin Robbins ice cream; she thinks “New Taste” ice cream is perfectly adequate. I know too few people who’ve seen this gem…here’s where vegetarian Albert Brooks moves home for The Experiment, and his mother goes about getting him something to eat. Won the New York Film Critics Circle Award and the National Society of Film Critics Award for Best Screenplay–rent it.

And here’s a comically awful 1980s tribute to mothers, courtesy of Mr. T.

Earth Day = “Green Up Day” in Vermont

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ONLY LOSERS LITTER

This is a sacred day when hardy volunteers pick up trash from roadside, riverside, and whatever else man pollutes.  I was assigned to a remote dirt road where I collected in my bags a wide—and disgusting—array of items  (shell casings, beer and wine bottles, 175 cig butts, rusty saw blade….) But I came across lovelier man-made items as well: a stack of rocks, Royal LaRoque’s farm, and a fairy house, photos to be posted  in upcoming column on garbage.

An Unorthodox Easter

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GOD BLESS THIS…PEN AND PENCIL SET? I’m not sure if someone left a pen & pencil in their basket to be blessed by mistake or by design—but I’m all for sanctified writing utensils.

I don’t know about other Eastern Orthodox Easters, but the Russian one is what you might expect. One metric ton of food. Vodka, vodka, and more vodka. Throw in your next-door neighbor pressure-washing his house as ground bees surface during the Easter egg hunt, and it’s fun for everyone. XPUCTOC BOCKPECE!

Here Comes Peter Cottontail

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YOUR PURSE STRAP MAKES A NICE SEAT BELT FOR PETER.

For a Happy Easter post, I was trying to recall what rabbit photos I had on hand.

Then I remembered the first time I drove cross-country. If you drive cross-country alone in a car with 180,000 miles on it, no cell phone and no weapon, you sure as hell better have Peter Cottontail with you.

And trust me, by Wyoming he’ll be talking back.

Good (Fri) Day

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MY CROSS-COUNTRY SHOTGUN ROAD BUDDY  (See subsequent post)

The Good Book makes me a little nervous, particularly tonight. I thought if I warmed it up with Peter Cottontail, I’d feel safer going in.

Good Friday’s wicked dark.

Maundy Thursday = Last Supper = Passover

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EAT A GOOD BREAKFAST ON THIS DAY if in CHRISTENDOM

The sad reality is I never knew that the Last Supper was a Passover meal until I was 35.  If I had attended church earlier in adulthood—or dated more observant Jews—I might have learned this earlier. All I can say now is every Maundy Thursday seder I’ve gone to has had pretty terrible food.

I’m told the Jewish People get the meal right. I’ll gladly be the Stranger at your next one. Toda!

Cat Got Your Palm?

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ONE MORE REASON I’LL BURN IN HELL

If there’s one thing worse than posts about pet behavior, it’s posts about church experiences. Here’s the worst of both worlds.  Happy Palm Sunday to you!

Which is what I said to a woman at church today, who responded with incredulity:

“Happy?  HAPPY?”

Okay, so Holy Week’s definitely on the dire side, but Palm Sunday ~ the day of Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem ~ isn’t itself a glum day on the ecumenical calendar. Is it?

St. Patrick’s Day in Chicago

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“Broken Heart” by Freckles McGee, 2011, Sharpie™ and Magic Marker on Paper

A friend who is a comedy writer told me he once worked on an awful sitcom in Chicago. I said I’d had my heart broken on St. Patrick’s day in Chicago. His reply:

“Everyone’s had their heart broken in Chicago.”

Erin go home.

It Takes Courage

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COURAGE

March means National Peanut Month, National Craft Month, National Frozen Food Month, and National Nutrition Month–which conflicts with both the frozen foods and St. Patrick’s Day but OK on the peanuts. For other special days, you’ve got Earth Day, National Clam on the Half Shell Day (shared with Bunsen Burner Day) and of course the Ides of March.

February was Oscar month, when highly paid actrons laud each other at a microphone for their “courage” and “bravery” onstage, and the incredible “choices” made in their “important work.” One of my friends won’t watch the Oscars, saying that “Courage is living with Stage IV cancer…important work is building houses in Haiti.”

I agree, but I also think courage is recycling your Bowel Prep Kit at the dump.